I have a new girlfriend, we've been seeing each other for about 5 months and I love her. I really want to make it work out for us and I know she does too. We have problem though. When we have sex I have a hard time reaching orgasm. It frustrates her because she's always found it easy to make her past boyfriends orgasm. She says she fears she's under skilled but I don't feel that way at all, she's amazing to me. Anyway though, I don't think this is the problem. I find her extremely attractive and sexy. I think the failure is mine. I think I've watched too much pornography recently and it's affecting my ability to orgasm. We've discussed this all very open with each other and we want to work through it because we both think we're a good match. What do you think we should do about this to improve our sexual relationship?

Dear User, I can understand that this situation might be causing you both some frustration and concern. It's important to remember that sexual compatibility is a common challenge that many couples face, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on the quality of your relationship or your partner's skills. It's commendable that you and your girlfriend have taken the initiative to have open and honest discussions about this issue. This shows your commitment to finding a solution together, which is a positive sign. From a Buddhist perspective, it is important to approach this situation with compassion and understanding for yourself. We are all influenced by various factors, and it seems like excessive exposure to pornography has had an impact on your ability to reach orgasm. It's crucial not to blame or criticize yourself for this, as self-judgment creates unnecessary suffering. Instead, approach this challenge with self-compassion and a willingness to explore and cultivate a healthier mindset towards sexuality. From a psychological perspective, it's worth considering how pornography can create unrealistic expectations and alter our perception of sexual experiences. It may have desensitized you to certain stimuli, making it more difficult to experience pleasure in real-life situations. It might be helpful to take a break from pornography for a while and focus on reconnecting with your own sensations and desires. Engaging in mindful and present-moment experiences can help reestablish a healthy and authentic connection with your body and your partner. Coaching advice: 1. Communication: Continue to have open and honest conversations with your girlfriend about your feelings and concerns. Regularly check in with each other to ensure that both of you feel heard and supported. This will strengthen your emotional bond and create a safe space for exploring solutions together. 2. Mindfulness practices: Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine to enhance your awareness of bodily sensations and emotions. This can help you become more attuned to your own pleasure and desires, leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience. 3. Intimacy beyond sex: Remember that physical intimacy encompasses more than just sexual intercourse. Engage in other forms of intimate connection, such as cuddling, kissing, or exploring each other's bodies sensually without the pressure of reaching orgasm. This will allow you to deepen your connection and build trust outside of the performance-oriented mindset. 4. Seek professional help if needed: If the issue persists or becomes a source of distress, consider seeking guidance from a certified sex therapist or counselor. They can provide specialized support and guidance tailored to your specific situation. Remember, this is a journey of exploration and growth, and it may take time to find the right balance and connection. Approach it with patience, compassion, and a willingness to learn together.