Hi Buddha, I am obsessed with a TikTok influencer even though I'm married. I think I may be trying to make up for the fact I was never asked out by many men.

Dear Seeker, I understand that you are currently facing a dilemma regarding your feelings towards a TikTok influencer while being married. It can be challenging to navigate such emotions, and it takes courage to seek guidance. From a Buddhist perspective, it is essential to acknowledge and accept the reality of your current situation without judgment or self-criticism. Remember that attachment and desire can arise within all of us, but it is how we respond to these emotions that matters. From a psychological perspective, it appears that your infatuation with the TikTok influencer may be stemming from a desire for validation or attention that you feel was lacking in your past experiences. It is not uncommon for individuals to seek affirmation from external sources when they have unmet needs or unresolved emotions. It may be helpful to explore these feelings further and understand what underlying needs are driving your obsession. In terms of coaching advice, I encourage you to take the following actions: 1. Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on the feelings and emotions that arise when you think about the TikTok influencer. Consider journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist to gain clarity on the underlying motivations behind your infatuation. 2. Communication with your partner: Open and honest communication is key in any relationship. Share your feelings with your spouse, expressing your struggles and concerns. Together, you can work towards understanding and finding ways to strengthen your connection. 3. Focus on self-love and acceptance: Instead of seeking external validation, redirect your energy towards self-care and self-compassion. Engage in activities that bring you joy, cultivate self-esteem, and nurture your own personal growth. 4. Mindfulness practice: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. This can help you observe and accept your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing you to respond consciously rather than react impulsively. Remember, change takes time and effort. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout this process. By exploring your feelings, communicating openly, and focusing on self-love, you can find a path towards greater contentment and fulfillment within your marriage.