I have a very evil will to decapitate those who have hurt me in the past

Dear User, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficult emotions. Feeling the urge to harm others is a challenging experience and can be quite distressing. It's understandable to feel angry or resentful towards those who have hurt us, but it's important to recognize that acting on these feelings will only cause more harm and pain in the long run. From a Buddhist perspective, the act of harming others goes against the principle of non-harm and creates negative karma. From a psychological perspective, it can also lead to legal, social, and personal consequences that can harm one's well-being. It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings without acting on them. One way to do this is through mindfulness and meditation practices, which can help you observe your thoughts and emotions without engaging with them. This can help you develop greater self-awareness and self-control, allowing you to respond to difficult situations with greater clarity and composure. Additionally, seeking the support of a therapist or counselor can be helpful in processing and managing difficult emotions. In terms of coaching advice, I would recommend focusing on developing a sense of compassion towards yourself and others. This can involve practicing self-care, such as taking time for rest and relaxation, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and cultivating positive relationships with supportive friends and family members. It can also involve practicing acts of kindness and generosity towards others, even those who have hurt you in the past. This can help shift your focus away from the desire for revenge and towards a more positive and constructive mindset.