I want to adopt 2 kids. I had this idea some years ago but with covid and being layoff I had to treat myself first. after 5 years and being 33 years old I still want to do it. I feel a bit scared that I might not be capable of adopting a child or doubt myself but I would like to do it. however, I feel like people will just feel bad for me or think "ah everyone of her aged friends has children already and she has no partner, that is why she adopted", which is something I do not believe because I already thougth about adoption before any of my old friends and people at my age started families. am I thinking to much and should not adopt?

I can feel something real in what you're carrying here—this isn't just a practical question about adoption. There's a longing that's been with you for years, but it's tangled up with doubt, and with how you imagine others might see you. That's a lot to hold at once. Let me name what I'm hearing: You want to be a parent to two children. That desire is genuine and has roots that go back further than circumstance. But somewhere along the way, other people's potential judgments have started to live in your mind alongside your own voice. And now you're not sure which one is really speaking when you doubt yourself. Here's something worth sitting with: the fear that others might misunderstand your reasons—that they might see adoption as a consolation prize rather than a choice—is real enough. People do make assumptions. But notice something: you're already aware of this possibility, which means you know the difference between your true reasons and what others might imagine. That clarity is already there inside you. The question isn't whether you're thinking too much; it's whether you're letting other people's imagined thoughts become louder than your own knowing. There's also something tender in your doubt about capability. Many people who become parents—whether biologically or through adoption—feel this same uncertainty. It doesn't mean you're not ready. Sometimes it means you care enough to ask the question seriously. A child needs someone who has thought about what it means to be their parent, and you clearly have. The five years you spent treating yourself first, stabilizing after loss and upheaval—that wasn't a detour from your dream. That was preparation. You're not the same person who had that idea years ago. You're someone who has weathered difficulty and is still standing, still wanting to give. If you wanted to take one small step: could you sit quietly for a few minutes and ask yourself—not what others might think, but what *you* actually want for your life? Not the version that's been filtered through imagined judgment, but the honest one. What does it feel like in your body when you imagine being a parent to two children? That feeling, whatever it is, deserves to be heard.