I don’t know how to help my mother and I keep hurting her

Dear friend, I can sense the pain and confusion in your heart as you grapple with the difficult situation you are facing with your mother. It is never easy to see loved ones suffer, especially when we feel helpless to ease their pain. From a Buddhist perspective, we understand that all beings are interconnected, and our actions can have a profound impact on others, including our loved ones. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame when we feel like we are causing harm or not doing enough to help. From a psychological perspective, it is important to acknowledge the complex dynamics and emotions that exist within family relationships, which can be both beautiful and challenging. Firstly, it is important to practice self-compassion and acknowledge that you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and resources you have. It is natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to help, and that is okay. Recognize that you are not alone in this struggle, and seek out support from others who may have gone through similar experiences. It may also be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your mother about how you are feeling, and work together to find solutions that work for both of you. From a coaching perspective, it may be helpful to focus on developing skills such as active listening, empathy, and assertiveness. Active listening involves fully listening to what the other person is saying without judgment or interruption, and seeking to understand their perspective. Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes and imagining how they are feeling. Assertiveness involves communicating your needs and boundaries in a clear and respectful manner. By developing these skills, you may be able to communicate more effectively with your mother, and find ways to support her without causing harm. Remember, this is a journey, and there will be ups and downs along the way. But with patience, compassion, and a willingness to learn and grow, you can navigate this difficult situation and find a path forward. I wish you and your mother all the best.